Maybe, getting good happens in the middle

I used to think that to get good at something, you had to pull back.

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Step out of it. Get quiet. Study more. Think about it properly.

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And I still need that. If I don’t get enough space, I lose clarity. I start reacting instead of seeing. I burn out.

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But I’ve also noticed that if I stay outside things for too long, something else happens. I don’t really connect to it either. It stays a bit theoretical. A bit at a distance.

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At some point I have to be in it while it’s happening. Not observing it from the side, not preparing for it in advance, but actually inside it as it unfolds.

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And that’s not always comfortable. It’s not very clean. You don’t always know what you think while you’re in it. You only really understand it afterwards.

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I notice it in small things. Conversations where I don’t quite know how to respond. Work that’s still forming while I’m already in it. Days that feel slightly unclear until they’ve passed.

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There’s something about that state that I used to avoid more than I do now. The not-knowing while you’re in it.

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Because that’s also where things start to get real. Not immediately, not in a clear way, but in hindsight. The meaning shows up later, once you’ve already stayed with it long enough.

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The work I’m drawn to has that same quality. Writing, art, people. Things that feel like they were made from inside the experience, not after stepping out of it to make sense of it. Things that still carry the moment they came from.

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And I notice I trust that more. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it has to feel like it actually happened while someone was there, not after they had already left it.

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I still need distance. I still need quiet. That part hasn’t changed.

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But I’m less certain now that clarity only lives there.

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Sometimes it only shows up once you’re already inside things, a bit in motion, a bit unsure, and you stay there long enough to see what comes from it.